A National Waste of Time

Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein.
Joe Theismann, Former quarterback

Okay, here's a topic that many people feel great passion for or against: sports. You love it or hate it. Or, of course, if you're me, you take the third alternative: loving to hate it.

Let's start with the traditional American sports; football, baseball and basketball.

Well, first of all, American football is nothing more than a bastardized and pussified version of rugby. Enough padding to take a bullet without leaving a mark, barely enough brains to dial a phone, that's the essence of it. 73.9% of the game is spent waiting for someone to do something. Statistics provided by my ass, from which I pulled that number. It's a bunch of guys running around with a testicle shaped ball, patting eachother on the ass, but somehow it's the most manly event available.

Secondly, it's the biggest fucking waste of money I can possibly imagine. How much does a football player make? I don't care how much or how little they get, it's 'way too fucking much regardless. Entertainment value, you say? Okay, for those of you out there who are into the ass-slapping, testicle chasing, astro-turf-man-orgie-with-helmet on national TV type of entertainment, well I guess you're right. But, can even you agree that they're getting their "fair share" for doing that? We're talking millions of dollars here, people! We're talking one person making more in one year than someone with a real job (let's say a nurse) makes in a lifetime. And people wonder why this country -- no, this world -- is so fucked up. If that isn't a prime example, I don't know what it.

Baseball, basketball ... I can't think of anything that makes them any different.

Now, some of you will say "there's an ancient culture to preserve here!" Yeah, yeah, the romans had their colosseum wth gladiator sports, and the gladiators were revered for their skills, plus they entertained the masses. Fine, I'll accept that. I submit, however, that this was at a time when entertainment was not so readily available as it is today, the hardship and encuberance of those times actually made a legitimate need for some kind of distraction, whereas our lazy asses have no need for such things. Also, the need for "sports" back then were also validated by the presence of actual hand-to-hand combat in war, as opposed to the pussy button pushing excuse for warfare these days. Before any of you freak out about the actual sacrifices made by modern day soldiers, I do realize that there's more to war than pushing buttons -- I'm just saying that war has also become sanitized, laundered ... it's not supposed to be. It's supposed to be ugly, dirty, bloody, and it is to be feared by all.

Now, bouncing back from that side-rant, let me just wrap things up here, and conclude that sports are a waste of time, a waste of money, a waste of human resources, an amentia for culture, and a burden on society.