Spankings -- Not just for adults anymore!
The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
King Edward VIII (1894 - 1972)
It is truly amazing to me just what kids get away with these days. I hate to sound like an old fart, because I'm not even 30, but when I was a child ... well, children had more respect for their parents, and anyone considered a grownup. Why? Because the grown-ups held all the power, as well they should! Grownups held the power, they could order kids around, they were the ones in charge, and if you chose to dispute that fact ... well, they had lots of ways to remind you that yes, they were in charge.
So, I'm at the pharmacy one day to pick up some stuff, and I'm waiting in line. The pharmacy has kindly placed some scratch-lottery vending machines near the blood pressure machine thinger for those who have to wait a while. I, having learned (through experience) that those things never pay off, am still fascinated by their promises of riches and their blinking lights. There's a woman standing in front of me, her child (let's call him Damian, for the lack of a better name) is running around being annoying like children often do. The child runs over to the blood pressure machine, which is clearly labeled: "This is not a toy, do not let children play with this machine." Well, as it turned out the woman in front of me either couldn't read or couldn't give a fuck if Damian got his arm horribly mutilated. To be honest, neither could I. However, he was being annoying. Damian sticks his arm into the blood pressure machine labeled "This is not a toy," and starts pressing random buttons, because -- like his mother -- he also could not read. Eventually he hits the green button that starts inflating the arm cuff, and the machine says with a woman's voice, "Please sit still and do not talk." Look at that, the machine has more parenting skills than the bitch in front of me. However Damian, who is obviously not used to listening to anyone, turns around and looks at his female guardian type person (I refuse to call this waste of flesh a mother) and says, "What it say, mommy? What it say?" Apparantly teaching ones children to speak isn't part of parenting these days, either. Anyway, she tells Damian, "It said shut up and sit!" Actually it was more like she barked it. I could tell, her canines were showing.
At this point the machine had gotten a firm hold of Damian's arm, and Damian tried to pull his arm out, whining like ... well, a kid with his arm trapped by a machine. The female guardian type person, heretoforth referenced as "bitch," simply repeated her previous request for Damian to be still and quiet. Damian listened this time like he did the first time -- not at all. I stood there, part chuckling, part wanting to crack the bitch's head open with a bottle of vitamines, and I beheld the spectacle as it played out right in front of me. One of the pharmacy's employees looked over to see what the fuck was going on, and I thought to myself, "Finally! Someone will come out and yell at this kid and woman!" But alas, she simply went back to her pill sorting. Eventually the kid's arm was released, and he could now go on to more peaceful activities ... like trying to shove a Teenage Pregnancy pamphlet into the scratch lottery vending machine. He got it almost all the way in there before it got stuck. He also managed to remove it ... well, most of it, anyway, a corner was torn off. Can you guess what the bitch did? Absolutely fucking nothing! I couldn't believe it! If that kid had been me, I would have ... well, for one I wouldn't have acted like a demon on caffeine, but my parents also would have prevented me from being such an annoying little fuckwad.
What the hell is wrong with parents these days? I understand that spanking your child in public may not be the best idea, because you'll have cops taking you out like you were a columbian druglord carrying a bag full of papal heads, but come on! Speak to the child! Hold the child! Duct tape the child to the underside of your car if that's what it takes, but don't let the damn thing give me a headache!
Another happy little story from this very night. I'm at the grocery store, and I get to the deli counter. The deli has a neat little system with little paper tickets you get from a machine that, when you push a little lever, spits one out at you. This machine, by the way, fucking hates me, because every time I go to get one fucking ticket, it gives me half of one, or one and a half, and it just can't give me the one that I actually wanted! All I want is a number so I can get my fucking ham and cheese, is that so much to ask for? IS IT? Anyway, that's a different story ... so there I am, getting ready to face my opponent, the ticket-spitter, when I see a little boy playing with it. His father is standing nearby observing this oh-so-cute behaviour ... the kid pulls on the lever, and it spits out a ticket. The kid takes it. "Cool," I'm thinking to myself, "this guy has his kid trained to fetch a ticket for him. Maybe I will get me one of these kid things after all! I didn't know they could be trained to fetch!" But no ... the kid pulls the lever again and takes another ticket. The kid pulls the lever again and takes another ... then another ... and another. Finally, figuring that this asshole parent-wannabe isn't going to do anything, I go up to the kid and say, politely, "Excuse me," and reach in and grab the next ticket that pops out. I said "excuse me," like I was talking to a real person, not a small demon's immitation of a human being. What I wanted to say was "What the fuck are you doing you little asshole? Run over to your dad and ask him to kick your ass for me, and give me those fucking tickets!!"
Is that what this all boils down to? Grown-ups who were raised like actual people having to treat these little terrorites (yes, that's right, I said terrorites -- it wasn't a word until now) with courtesy and respect? Well, add another fucking tally to my board of "Things I hate about this fucking world"! No, make that two, because the parents piss me off, too! Actually make it three, because the parents might actually do something if it hadn't been for the dumbfucks that dictate that "If you are an adult, you are not allowed to touch a child unless you are a member of the clergy ....... Oops."
I miss the good old days of wanton corporal punishment. While I was never actually spanked as a child (my dad simply saying "I am very disappointed in you" was enough for me to break down anyway), there were times I should have been. I say we re-introduce Mr. Cane and Ms. Paddle to the educational system. Perhaps that way we could also reduce the amount of teacher strikes and lack of teachers in America.
Say it with me, folks: Spankings -- not just for adults anymore.
King Edward VIII (1894 - 1972)
It is truly amazing to me just what kids get away with these days. I hate to sound like an old fart, because I'm not even 30, but when I was a child ... well, children had more respect for their parents, and anyone considered a grownup. Why? Because the grown-ups held all the power, as well they should! Grownups held the power, they could order kids around, they were the ones in charge, and if you chose to dispute that fact ... well, they had lots of ways to remind you that yes, they were in charge.
So, I'm at the pharmacy one day to pick up some stuff, and I'm waiting in line. The pharmacy has kindly placed some scratch-lottery vending machines near the blood pressure machine thinger for those who have to wait a while. I, having learned (through experience) that those things never pay off, am still fascinated by their promises of riches and their blinking lights. There's a woman standing in front of me, her child (let's call him Damian, for the lack of a better name) is running around being annoying like children often do. The child runs over to the blood pressure machine, which is clearly labeled: "This is not a toy, do not let children play with this machine." Well, as it turned out the woman in front of me either couldn't read or couldn't give a fuck if Damian got his arm horribly mutilated. To be honest, neither could I. However, he was being annoying. Damian sticks his arm into the blood pressure machine labeled "This is not a toy," and starts pressing random buttons, because -- like his mother -- he also could not read. Eventually he hits the green button that starts inflating the arm cuff, and the machine says with a woman's voice, "Please sit still and do not talk." Look at that, the machine has more parenting skills than the bitch in front of me. However Damian, who is obviously not used to listening to anyone, turns around and looks at his female guardian type person (I refuse to call this waste of flesh a mother) and says, "What it say, mommy? What it say?" Apparantly teaching ones children to speak isn't part of parenting these days, either. Anyway, she tells Damian, "It said shut up and sit!" Actually it was more like she barked it. I could tell, her canines were showing.
At this point the machine had gotten a firm hold of Damian's arm, and Damian tried to pull his arm out, whining like ... well, a kid with his arm trapped by a machine. The female guardian type person, heretoforth referenced as "bitch," simply repeated her previous request for Damian to be still and quiet. Damian listened this time like he did the first time -- not at all. I stood there, part chuckling, part wanting to crack the bitch's head open with a bottle of vitamines, and I beheld the spectacle as it played out right in front of me. One of the pharmacy's employees looked over to see what the fuck was going on, and I thought to myself, "Finally! Someone will come out and yell at this kid and woman!" But alas, she simply went back to her pill sorting. Eventually the kid's arm was released, and he could now go on to more peaceful activities ... like trying to shove a Teenage Pregnancy pamphlet into the scratch lottery vending machine. He got it almost all the way in there before it got stuck. He also managed to remove it ... well, most of it, anyway, a corner was torn off. Can you guess what the bitch did? Absolutely fucking nothing! I couldn't believe it! If that kid had been me, I would have ... well, for one I wouldn't have acted like a demon on caffeine, but my parents also would have prevented me from being such an annoying little fuckwad.
What the hell is wrong with parents these days? I understand that spanking your child in public may not be the best idea, because you'll have cops taking you out like you were a columbian druglord carrying a bag full of papal heads, but come on! Speak to the child! Hold the child! Duct tape the child to the underside of your car if that's what it takes, but don't let the damn thing give me a headache!
Another happy little story from this very night. I'm at the grocery store, and I get to the deli counter. The deli has a neat little system with little paper tickets you get from a machine that, when you push a little lever, spits one out at you. This machine, by the way, fucking hates me, because every time I go to get one fucking ticket, it gives me half of one, or one and a half, and it just can't give me the one that I actually wanted! All I want is a number so I can get my fucking ham and cheese, is that so much to ask for? IS IT? Anyway, that's a different story ... so there I am, getting ready to face my opponent, the ticket-spitter, when I see a little boy playing with it. His father is standing nearby observing this oh-so-cute behaviour ... the kid pulls on the lever, and it spits out a ticket. The kid takes it. "Cool," I'm thinking to myself, "this guy has his kid trained to fetch a ticket for him. Maybe I will get me one of these kid things after all! I didn't know they could be trained to fetch!" But no ... the kid pulls the lever again and takes another ticket. The kid pulls the lever again and takes another ... then another ... and another. Finally, figuring that this asshole parent-wannabe isn't going to do anything, I go up to the kid and say, politely, "Excuse me," and reach in and grab the next ticket that pops out. I said "excuse me," like I was talking to a real person, not a small demon's immitation of a human being. What I wanted to say was "What the fuck are you doing you little asshole? Run over to your dad and ask him to kick your ass for me, and give me those fucking tickets!!"
Is that what this all boils down to? Grown-ups who were raised like actual people having to treat these little terrorites (yes, that's right, I said terrorites -- it wasn't a word until now) with courtesy and respect? Well, add another fucking tally to my board of "Things I hate about this fucking world"! No, make that two, because the parents piss me off, too! Actually make it three, because the parents might actually do something if it hadn't been for the dumbfucks that dictate that "If you are an adult, you are not allowed to touch a child unless you are a member of the clergy ....... Oops."
I miss the good old days of wanton corporal punishment. While I was never actually spanked as a child (my dad simply saying "I am very disappointed in you" was enough for me to break down anyway), there were times I should have been. I say we re-introduce Mr. Cane and Ms. Paddle to the educational system. Perhaps that way we could also reduce the amount of teacher strikes and lack of teachers in America.
Say it with me, folks: Spankings -- not just for adults anymore.
posted by Larf at 11:02 PM
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