We Hates Them, Precious!

Sadly I could not find a proper quotation that fits my topic of the day: car alarms. Sorry.

How many times have you sat comfortably in your couch or chair watching your favorite show when some asshole's car alarm goes off for no particular reason? Not only that, but the car alarm will continue to go off for several minutes before it automatically shuts off. Now, how many times have you seen cops or the owner actually respond to the car alarm? What the fuck is the point of having an alarm on your vehicle if you or the cops or your security agency refuse to pay any attention to it? Just so you can be an annoying ass in posession of a security system with a value double of the pathetic thing you call a car? I extend my middle finger in salute to your extreme lack of brainpower.

Now, if I decided to install an alarm on my vehicle and it actually went off, I would go out to my car, turn off the alarm, then check the vehicle for any damage. Forgive my assumption, but I thought that was the whole fucking point of the idiotic device to begin with? Of course, after having had to get dressed and go outside to do this in the middle of the night a few dozen times, I would then perform a quick uninstallation of the device with the RTFTOASOI method. For those of you who may not be familiar with this procedure, it means "Rip The Fucking Thing Out And Step On It."

A note for the insurance companies out there, I have a plan to reduce your expenditures. Stop reducing insurance rates for people who have car alarms installed, raise them instead. Let's call it an "Asshole Fee." The results of this action are as follows:

1. Road rage decreases once people don't wake up from idiot neighbors' car alarms going off in the middle of the night. A good night's sleep makes for a happy driver. A happy driver won't try to force someone off the road causing damage to multiple vehicles -- damage you have to compensate for.
   
2. People aren't tempted to go out in the middle of the night to key someone's car because they won't shut off their fucking alarms.

You want a car alarm that works? Get one that fills the car with cyanide gas or electrocutes the person driving off with your car. Get one that speeds the car up to 90mph, then makes a sharp right turn. Get a car alarm doesn't make a fucking sound unless it's the death rattle of the guy trying to hotwire your truck. Get a fucking car alarm that sends 50,000 volts through your pathetic body if you don't shut it off within 2 minutes, and rid the rest of us of your stupidity.

Thank you for your compliance in this matter.

Sincerely,
-Tired