What's the rush?
I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.
- Chauncey Depew (1834 - 1928)
Okay, color me puzzled, but what's up with all the excercise freaks running around these days? The sun just came out from its hibernation, the days are growing long and warm, and people want to ... run? Did I miss another national idiot holiday memo?
The thing with excercise is that it's ... well, painful. I see people out killing their knees first thing in the morning by jogging, their faces warped with pain, their legs screaming for mercy, and these people have somehow convinced themselves that they're going to live forever because of this practice. Of course there are the less painful variations which are great if you don't want to look like a fucking idiot. Power-walking? What the hell is this? While I haven't actually done any research on the subject, I have witnessed the act, and what I can tell is this: you arch your back so that your shoulders are actually behind your feet, stick your ass out as much as possible, flex your biceps and stiff-leg it around the park a couple of times. Am I getting this right? And this is good for you ... how?
Then there's the backwards-walkers. I was standing outside my place of employment one day chuckling at the people jogging on a nearby path, when I see an old man walking backwards. Not only that, he was power-walking backwards. As it turns out, this is another fad that's supposed to be good for you. Sure it is, if you want head trauma. Of course, if you're performing this ridiculous task, chances are you are already suffering from head trauma. I wanted to walk over to the old man and tell him, "!uoy revo skcab rac a epoh I ?!gniod uoy era lleh eht tahW" A friend of mine, who goes to a gym like an idiot, told me that there are actually people who go to the gym to walk backwards on a treadmill! I wish these people would go backwards hunting, instead, so they could shoot themselves in the head!
- Chauncey Depew (1834 - 1928)
Okay, color me puzzled, but what's up with all the excercise freaks running around these days? The sun just came out from its hibernation, the days are growing long and warm, and people want to ... run? Did I miss another national idiot holiday memo?
The thing with excercise is that it's ... well, painful. I see people out killing their knees first thing in the morning by jogging, their faces warped with pain, their legs screaming for mercy, and these people have somehow convinced themselves that they're going to live forever because of this practice. Of course there are the less painful variations which are great if you don't want to look like a fucking idiot. Power-walking? What the hell is this? While I haven't actually done any research on the subject, I have witnessed the act, and what I can tell is this: you arch your back so that your shoulders are actually behind your feet, stick your ass out as much as possible, flex your biceps and stiff-leg it around the park a couple of times. Am I getting this right? And this is good for you ... how?
Then there's the backwards-walkers. I was standing outside my place of employment one day chuckling at the people jogging on a nearby path, when I see an old man walking backwards. Not only that, he was power-walking backwards. As it turns out, this is another fad that's supposed to be good for you. Sure it is, if you want head trauma. Of course, if you're performing this ridiculous task, chances are you are already suffering from head trauma. I wanted to walk over to the old man and tell him, "!uoy revo skcab rac a epoh I ?!gniod uoy era lleh eht tahW" A friend of mine, who goes to a gym like an idiot, told me that there are actually people who go to the gym to walk backwards on a treadmill! I wish these people would go backwards hunting, instead, so they could shoot themselves in the head!
posted by Larf at 9:10 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home