Sirens of Medusa
Yes, you know the ones that turn living flesh into stone with their voices alone.
Ben Franklin said, "Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade." Contrarily I submit to you, that if the sundial is wrong, keep it in your closet.
I'm talking about singing here, folks, if you didn't catch it with my topic and starting line. There seems to be an overabundance of people, these days, who for some reason believe they have a talent for singing, or even if they don't, profess to sing regardless. Why? If "American Idol" is to blame, then that "show" just jumped to the top of my "Reasons to Take Over the World So I Can Squelch Shit" list. However, I'm not talking about TV shows, I'm not talking about bad artists who release CDs when they should be working on their suicide notes instead (I mean people like you, Corey Feldman, whose sole contribution to this world was a handful of crappy movies in the 80s -- put the fucking microphone down and start writing. You even sucked in The Goonies). I'm talking about your average Joe. I'm talking about the neighbor who insists on sharing his auditory equivalent of rat vomit with the entire neighborhood. Listen, buddy, I don't care if you got laid last night, STFU -- my ears are not equipped to handle such abuse.
Listen, I don't fart in your face, I don't apply a cheese grater to your ass, I don't drip sulfuric acid in your eyes, so why do you have to sing whenever I'm near? You know who you are.
I don't sing near you, do I? I don't even sing near myself! I have no singing skills or talent, and I'm completely willing and able to admit that. Just because every street bum in dozens of musicals are capable vocalists doesn't mean you were born with such an aptitude. Trust me, you are no melodic prodigy any more than I am. Why don't you just, like I did, admit your shortcomings and move on to something that won't offend your fellows.
Until you're willing to either a) take voice lessons and keeping your disharmonic assaults to your soon-to-be-impaired tutor, b) get a surgical procedure performed that might improve your voice (let's say ... a tracheotomy, perhaps?), or c) shut up, I hereby officially curse you with laryngitis. Have a nice day.
Ben Franklin said, "Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade." Contrarily I submit to you, that if the sundial is wrong, keep it in your closet.
I'm talking about singing here, folks, if you didn't catch it with my topic and starting line. There seems to be an overabundance of people, these days, who for some reason believe they have a talent for singing, or even if they don't, profess to sing regardless. Why? If "American Idol" is to blame, then that "show" just jumped to the top of my "Reasons to Take Over the World So I Can Squelch Shit" list. However, I'm not talking about TV shows, I'm not talking about bad artists who release CDs when they should be working on their suicide notes instead (I mean people like you, Corey Feldman, whose sole contribution to this world was a handful of crappy movies in the 80s -- put the fucking microphone down and start writing. You even sucked in The Goonies). I'm talking about your average Joe. I'm talking about the neighbor who insists on sharing his auditory equivalent of rat vomit with the entire neighborhood. Listen, buddy, I don't care if you got laid last night, STFU -- my ears are not equipped to handle such abuse.
Listen, I don't fart in your face, I don't apply a cheese grater to your ass, I don't drip sulfuric acid in your eyes, so why do you have to sing whenever I'm near? You know who you are.
I don't sing near you, do I? I don't even sing near myself! I have no singing skills or talent, and I'm completely willing and able to admit that. Just because every street bum in dozens of musicals are capable vocalists doesn't mean you were born with such an aptitude. Trust me, you are no melodic prodigy any more than I am. Why don't you just, like I did, admit your shortcomings and move on to something that won't offend your fellows.
Until you're willing to either a) take voice lessons and keeping your disharmonic assaults to your soon-to-be-impaired tutor, b) get a surgical procedure performed that might improve your voice (let's say ... a tracheotomy, perhaps?), or c) shut up, I hereby officially curse you with laryngitis. Have a nice day.
posted by Larf at 5:06 PM
5 Comments:
What's wrong with singing, talent or not, huh? People just wanna express themselves, you know? Just because you're to self conscious to express yourself, like, freely doesn't mean you have to be mean to other people. I think singing is beautiful wether they're talented or not. Maybe you're just, like, jealous? LOL
OMG!!!!! I ,like, totally agree with everything you said, like, you are , like, so amazingly deep. Did you ,like , see that new show about britney and kevin on upn, like, that will be so , like, awesome. LOL!!!!!!
Like take your bitch asses back into the bed and put your mouth to the only thing you sorority girls are good at.
What about "Happy Birthday"? Is that exempt?
"sexxxygrrrl," A.K.A., "Head Trauma Victim," keep smacking your face on the keyboard; you might eventually strike the right keys and come up with something remotely intelligent ... though I doubt it.
My intention was to reply to your points. If I find one, you'll hear it. I had also planned on posting a blonde joke, but I can't find one funnier or more stereotypical than your post. Thanks for the giggle.
Thank you also for setting aside this special time just to show us why certain people should not have access to the internet.
Like, go away and, like, stop wasting my oxygen. Like, oh my god, okay?
Post a Comment
<< Home